Two at Once?

Adopting two children at the same time is not for everyone, especially if the children are close in age. In order for families to decide if this is the best way for them to add to their families, we have pulled together a list of considerations. The list addresses the adoption of two unrelated children at the same time. Each family will need to decide what works for their own situation. Our goal is to help families make an educated decision.

Thoughts on adjustments:

• Two children coming into the family at the same time cuts down on sibling issues. Neither child is the "established" child in the family and their experience of adjusting to the family are shared.

• Adjustments seem to be shorter in duration, but much more intense. It is almost as if the children help each other through the adjustment.

• Each child should have a chance to make the adjustment to home their own. The idea is that the child needs time as an individual to establish his place in the family and develop a sense of self, rather than a sense of "us" that two at once could bring.

Thoughts on repeating the process:

• Parents only need to make one trip and go through the process one time to complete their family. If one child is added to the family, with the intention of adding a second child to the family later, that second adoption often does not happen. Everyday life often seems to get in the way of a second adoption process. Other issues, such as a second trip, raise the question of what to do with the first child while the parents are traveling.

• Many families have told us that if they had to do it all over again, they would adopt two at once, rather than repeat the process for two unrelated children.

• Many fees associated with the process are per family, not per child. For example: homestudy, translation fees, dossier to the Embassy, post placement visits, travel expenses (airfare, visas, housing, travel within the country, gifts, travel insurance) and others.

Thoughts on the parents’ resources:

• How much help does the family have? An extra set of hands will probably be needed until the children are established in a new routine. This means either arranging for paid help or having immediate family and friends close to home.

• It is a major life adjustment to go from zero children to two children at once. The work does not double, it quadruples! Ask anyone who adopted two children at once how much laundry they do every week or how tired they are, regardless of how much sleep they get! On the other hand, ask "any" new parent how they feel and the answer will almost always be "We’re happy, but we’re tired!"